i have a lot of paying it forward to do

also:

to be rendered powerless is not your humanity;

your resilience is your humanity

—hannah gadsby

i fucking hate how visual media normalizes — and therefore legitimizes — 12-step facilitation.

it’s like every god damn show dealing with addiction has to throw aa in there in some self-righteous way that portrays it as the enlightened path toward recovery.

it’s bullshit.

it depicts people in the program as these sage know-it-all assholes who have achieved some kind of higher wisdom that resonates with universal truth.

fuck that.

god, when will we get out of the fucking dark ages and start viewing addiction through an evidence-based lens?

fuck you, hollywood.

it would behoove me

to expect little

and less

confusion confusion confusion

allusion to fusion?

illusion?

locus, internal

and socal, infernal

my focus is ending this

nightmare, eternal

i’m anywhere but here;

i’ve been everywhere else

for too long

i feel so profoundly alone tonight

and i know exactly why

and there is nothing i can do

about that right now

so i have to simply live with it

and make moves over time

to get into a better

situation

i have a responsibility to all the people who will perish if i don’t persist

there is succor

in the absence

of stupor

once again i’m left to toil

in obscurity

against the debris-ridden tides

in which i find identity

as if there’s any way those waves

possess a shred of purity

much less enough to say “that’s me”

with any kind of certainty