Complacency is BORING.

My grandpa, from a comment he left on one of my posts

I am complacent. It’s time to jump into the unknown and challenge myself.

After how wretchedly miserable and terrifying the end of spring and bulk of summer were, I needed time to recuperate.

The hospital was like this major reset button. My grandpa dying, too.

It completely overshadowed losing a job and a girlfriend.

I regained my mental and physical health after a few weeks, then continues to stay in stasis just to…. decompress. But also, to avoid doing things that scare me.

There has been this fear of going through the dance of a job without a girlfriend, but now that that’s less painful, and that I have regular socializing set up in my life, the fear has noticeably abated.

It’s so tempting to eat the junk food as far as life choices go. And I’ve been bouncing through the snack aisle since I got out of the hospital.

But that is on the verge of changing as I feel more and more of a hunger for the healthful foods I’ve been avoiding. The things my life existentially needs.

I need self-sufficiency. And I need forward momentum.

I need a job and a path toward a career, which very likely means school.

The unknown might look like the blackness of space, but it’s filled with possibility and promise.

The initial discomfort of that kind of change is a polar plunge, but you get out on the other side and find yourself better off.

And there are other complacencies, too. One of which is a kind of chronic pain of the spirit. I’m working on that one and making progress, and I’m determined to sustain that effort and persist.

Because right now, the way I’m living is fucking BORING and dispiriting.